The essay that I could never write - 'My Father'

When I was very young, they called it a Composition and then, an Essay when I was young. Literal difference whatever there may be between the two, they remain

same to me till now as both required something to be written on a particular topic, the only difference being that when it was a composition we were supposed to write 10 lines (sentences) on the topic and it was 400  to 500 words as it became an essay.

It was composition, when we, I mean the whole class, were given the topic 'My Father'.

Eventually I was the first student to be asked by the teacher to speak on the topic, and to be honest, I started well.......

1. My father's name is Shri D.S. Chaturvedi.

2. My father lives in Rishikesh.

3. My father works for Pantnagar Agricultural University.

4. I love my father.

....... and that was it. Even after thinking a lot I could not put 10 straight lines on My Father.

Realizing that I have nothing more to offer, the teacher moved on to the next guy who provided 3 more lines.......

5. My father is a very good man.

6. My father is a religious man.

7. My father is my Hero.

....... and then few other students and three sentences later, the Composition on My Father was complete.

8. My father is a strong man.

9. My father is a very kind man.

10. My father loves me very much.

As it took effort of the whole class to write about 'My Father', I was just not convinced that my father is a hero, because I knew only film actors were heroes and also that my father is a religious man, because barring a few temple visits with the family or on an odd yearly festival I didn't see him worship.

But I remained quiet as 10 lines were to be completed and what difference does it make when everybody is writing the same thing except for the names and work of their respective fathers.

With rest of the lines I could mostly relate to, but I guess I didn't know much about my father then......  I was very young!

The composition became essay later, but the topic 'My Father' never came my way again.......

Life went on from school to college and then on to the job. I had my parents with me, I got married, my sisters got married and I even have a son. Things were so smooth and perfect that I actually never thought of what and who I have. Then, on the cold Monday morning of 7th March 2011, I unexpectedly lost my father to Sudden Cardiac Arrest while he was away for his job in Srinagar, Garhwal.

He passed away one and half hours before I could reach him. I was not there with him nor was any other member of the family during his passing. Although he was well attended by his friends and colleagues and was given the best available treatment, the fact, that I was not there with him during his last moments, shall remain the biggest regret of my life.

It’s been a year since my father left us and I still feel devastated at the thought of it and am not able to come to terms with it completely. The more I think about him, the more I miss him and I require his presence more than ever. My father's untimely passing has made me emotionally vulnerable and forced me to think again about the things and people that my father survived. And during one of those moments I thought about my father again........  the composition.......  the lines........  and all.......

My father was born in our native village, Gadanpur in district Farrukhabad, and was brought up in Kanpur where my grandfather was a lecturer. Second of the eight siblings, he was the most carefree person as a child and remained that way till he died. He was not only carefree; he was also a rebel with a heart of gold. It was this quality that made him stand out among his peers and family.

As I was thinking of him, I realized that whatever I had written about my father at that early age actually holds true on all accounts.

My father was indeed a strong man, not to say physically, but mentally yes. I am yet to meet a man who has a will power matching my father. For example, his job did not command a very high salary but determined as he was he (of course with the solid support from my mother) gave us the best of upbringing that he could. On one account when fees for my pre sea training was to be deposited within a day and I knew my father had no money, he told me not to worry and he did arrange the full amount and deposited my fees the next day.

Contrary to my initial belief, my father was a religious man as well, it’s only I realized later that being religious does not mean going to temples and praying for long hours at  home.

He was also a kind and good man as I wrote in the composition. I always knew that my father was kind and good but I was overwhelmed by what people had to say about his philanthropy, kindness and generosity. Not that they had to praise a dead man, but one could feel the authenticity behind the emotions expressed by the people that ranged from a pan wallah, to my father’s friends/ colleagues  and to other respected and learned persons who knew my father. Having said all this it is not that my father had only good qualities but like any other human being he had his own share of weakness and demons, only thing that his goodness outweighed his negativities.

And the lines “I love my father” and “My father loves me a very much” were the most important and true. I love my father and will continue to do so even when he is not around and I knew that he loved me and will continue to do so from wherever he is.

It is his love that makes us think about him all the time.

In one year’s time we have somewhat adjusted our lives around my father’s absence but the fact is how so ever normal it may seem but life after his death will never be same again ……………

Abraham Lincoln once said “And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” This holds absolutely true for my father as he lived his life to the fullest in the number of years he lived.